Raising Resilient Kids

Parenting is one part love, one part chaos, and about six parts wondering if you’re doing it right. If you’ve got a primary schooler at home, you’re in the thick of it—school lunches, permission slips, tantrums over homework (and sometimes hair), and the occasional existential crisis over why they can’t have ice cream for breakfast.

So I’ve been bingeing a little Maggie Dent, Australia’s very own parenting whisperer, whose advice feels like a warm hug and a knowing wink all rolled into one. Maggie’s wisdom is a godsend for those of us juggling the daily demands of raising small humans while trying to keep the wheels on the family bus. If you’ve read her books or listened to her talks, you’ll know she’s got a knack for cutting through the noise and reminding us what really matters.

Here’s a friendly, no-pressure guide to Maggie’s most helpful advice and key takeaways for raising resilient, kind, and capable kids during those golden (and sometimes infuriating) primary school years.

 

1. The Foundation of Resilience: Connection and Belonging

Maggie’s central message is simple but powerful: connection is everything! Before you worry about raising a child who aces maths or plays Mozart at age 9, focus on making them feel safe, loved, and like they belong. A connected child is more likely to bounce back from life’s challenges (like that crushing disappointment when they lose at monopoly).

• Micro-Moments Matter: Spend quality time together, even if it’s just 10 minutes of Lego building or letting them rant about how “unfair” life is. It’s these little moments that fill their emotional cup.
• Be Present: Put down the phone, make eye contact, and really listen when your child is speaking. Maggie often reminds us that “connection is a two-way street.”
• Rituals Are Gold: From bedtime chats to secret handshakes, simple routines can become cherished memories that anchor your relationship

 

2. Play is Serious Business

“Put simply, play grows the brain”, as Maggie Dent so aptly says. During the primary years, when academic pressures start creeping in, play becomes more vital than ever. Whether your child is imagining themselves as a ninja or constructing an entire village out of cardboard boxes, play isn't just fun—it's how children develop creativity, sharpen problem-solving skills, process their emotions, and build the resilience they'll carry into adulthood.

• Prioritise Unstructured Play: Let your child have time to create their own games, climb trees, or build forts. Resist the urge to overschedule their afternoons.
• Get Outdoors: Nothing cures grumpiness quite like fresh air and a stick. Encourage your kids to climb trees, kick a ball, or search for “treasure” (aka rocks). Bonus: outdoor play often leads to earlier bedtimes.
• Join in Occasionally: I know, their rules make no sense, and you’ll never be the dog in their game of “family,” but jumping into their world every now and then reminds them you value their imagination.

 

3. Understanding Big Emotions

Primary school kids are still learning how to navigate the world of emotions, and they often look to us as a guide. Maggie reminds us that big feelings aren’t a problem—they’re part of being human.

• Be the Calm in the Storm: When your child is overwhelmed, they need your calm presence more than anything else. Take a deep breath, stay composed, and offer comfort.
• Name It to Tame It: Help your child identify and label their emotions. Saying, “You seem frustrated because you wanted a turn,” can make them feel understood and teach them emotional literacy.
• Teach Healthy Coping Skills: Model and practice strategies like deep breathing, drawing, or taking a break when emotions run high.

 

4. The Importance of Boundaries

Boundaries are like fences—they’re there to keep kids safe, not to trap them. And yes, enforcing them is hard work, but letting them run feral isn’t exactly easier.

• Pick Your Battles: Socks on inside out? Let it slide. Biting their sibling? Non-negotiable. Save your energy for the hills worth dying on.
• Explain the Why: Kids are more likely to follow rules when they understand them. “We don’t throw toys because I don’t want to take out a mortgage to replace the TV” is both honest and educational.
• Follow Through: Empty threats don’t work, but fair consequences do. Remember, the goal is to teach, not punish (though confiscating that recorder is totally valid).

 

5. Fostering Independence by Letting Go 

Primary schoolers are on the cusp of figuring out who they are. They want to do things themselves, even if it means mismatched socks or a lunchbox full of crackers and nothing else. Maggie encourages us to embrace their growing independence while still offering a safety net.

• Let Them Solve Problems: Resist the urge to swoop in and fix everything. Instead, guide your child to think through solutions on their own.. even if their solutions are a bit, um, creative.
• Encourage Responsibility: Give your child age-appropriate chores and responsibilities, like packing their school bag or feeding the pet. It builds confidence and life skills.
• Praise the Process: Focus on praising your child’s hard work and persistence rather than the end result. This fosters a growth mindset.

 

6. Kindness is King (or Queen)

In a world that can feel a bit harsh at times, Maggie champions the importance of raising kind, empathetic kids. And no, that doesn’t mean letting them walk all over you—it’s about teaching them to care about others.

• Model It Yourself: Say thank you, apologise when you’re wrong, and show compassion. Kids are like sponges, and they’re watching even when you think they aren’t.
• Teach Perspective: Help your child consider other people’s feelings. “How do you think your friend felt when you didn’t share?” is a good start (even if their answer is “happy because I got the toy”).
• Celebrate Kindness: Notice and praise their good deeds, even small ones like holding the door open or sharing their last chip.

 

7. Routines and predictability

Primary schoolers thrive on predictability (even if they act like they don’t). A good routine can make your mornings smoother, your evenings calmer, and your household slightly less chaotic.

• Start Small: A consistent bedtime routine or a morning checklist can work wonders. It also saves you from shouting, “Put on your shoes!” seventeen times before school.
• Stick to It: While life happens, try to keep things as predictable as possible. Kids feel secure when they know what to expect.
• Involve Kids in the Routine: Let them have input, such as choosing the order of tasks, to encourage cooperation.

 

8. Screens: Friend or Foe?

Screens are like chocolate—fine in moderation, dangerous in excess. Maggie isn’t overtly anti-screen but rather finding a balance that works for your family (and keeps you sane).

• Set Limits: No devices at the dinner table or right before bed. Kids are less likely to argue when the rules are clear (but let’s not kid ourselves—they’ll still argue).
• Get Them Moving: For every hour on a screen, encourage some physical activity, like kicking a ball or dancing in the living room.
• Lead By Example: If you’re scrolling Instagram at the table, don’t be surprised when your kid sneaks in an extra level of Minecraft.

 

9. The Magic of Stories and Shared Laughter

Stories and laughter are powerful tools in parenting. Whether it’s reading a book together, sharing a funny moment, or telling a tale from your own childhood, these moments build connection and create lasting memories.

• Be Silly: Don’t be afraid to embrace your inner goofball. Make funny faces, tell bad jokes, or have a spontaneous dance-off in the kitchen.
• Share Stories: Kids love hearing about the time you accidentally walked into the wrong classroom as a kid or that time you cracked your mum’s tooth (true story, except I’m the mum).
• Laugh at Yourself: Parenting is messy and ridiculous. Embrace the chaos, and don’t be afraid to laugh at your mistakes. A good belly laugh can diffuse tension and bring everyone closer together.

10. Don’t Forget About You

It’s not for nothing we’re often reminded to put the oxygen mask on ourselves before helping others - good parenting starts with self-care. You can’t pour from an empty cup, and your wellbeing matters just as much as your child’s.

• Lower the Bar: Perfection is overrated. Good enough is good enough, then move on!
• Take Breaks: Whether it’s a hot bath, a quick walk, or bingeing your favourite show, make time for yourself.
• Find Your Village: Parenting wasn’t meant to be done alone. Lean on your friends, family, or even the nice barista who always remembers your order.

Parenting primary schoolers is a wild ride—equal parts exhausting and rewarding. But with Maggie Dent’s wisdom (plus a little permission and patience!) in your back pocket, you’ve got the tools to navigate the ups and downs with grace (lol). So take a deep breath, embrace the chaos, and remember: you’re doing better than you think.